Roger's Corner

By Winemaster Emeritus, Roger A. Wooley 

Dear Roger,

     Over the years you have given me much wise advice, food for thought and reasons for hope.  You have helped assuage my sometimes bruised sense of self-esteem with your positive affirmations.

     But despite all the positive help, you still have not answered some of life’s most pertinent questions.  Could you work on that?

Signed, Margie in Milwaukie 

Dear Margie,

     I think I see your point.  You would like the answers to some of life’s most pertinent questions.  With the help of fellow Mensan, George Dunn, I will answer some of life’s most pertinent questions, as you have asked. 

Q:  If a tree falls in the forest when no one is there to hear it, does it make any sound?

A:  Of course it does. 

Q:  Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

A:  The egg. 

Q:  How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

A:  Six 

Q:  Can God make a stone so big he can’t pick it up?

A:  Yes 

Q:  What happens when an irresistible force meets an immovable object?

A:  One turns to the left. 

Q:  What is the sound of one hand clapping?

A:   “         “ ,  very faintly. 

Q:  Where does your lap go when you stand up?

A:  South 

Q:  Where did Cain find his wife?

A:  In Oz.  Probably on the west side. 

Q:  How long is a piece of string?

A:  Between nine and thirty inches, more than half the time. 

Q:  Do two wrongs make a right?

A:  No, but three rights make a left. 

Q:  What do women want from men?

A:  More attention to that question. 

Q:  What constitutes success?

A:  More. 

Q:  Is a glass half full or half empty?

A:  Half full, usually. 

Q:  Why are wieners ten to a package and buns eight to a package?

A:  For the convenience of the person who wants forty hot dogs. 

Q:  If it takes seven yards of feather ticking to make a ruffled collar for an elephant, how long does it take a beetle with a wooden leg to bore through three pounds of sugar?

A:  As long as it takes a two-headed rooster to shingle an outhouse with flapjacks. 

Q:  Why is the sky blue?

A:  It’s not.  It only looks that way. 

Q:  Why do Wine Master Emerituses always answer a question with a question?

A:  Do we do that?

I remain your faithful Wine Master Emeritus,

Roger A. Wooley

P.S. Support your local S.P.O.W. (Society for the Prevention of Oaky Wines)